Is that a green M & M in the corner under the couch behind the pillow?

There is a lot of talk about the differences between men and women. Living with four males, I have observed that one of the biggest differences is the male inability to 'locate' things. Keys, wallets, socks, jackets, mp3 players, mail, etc. This is never more obvious that when the refrigerator is concerned.

"Mom, where's the milk?"

"Try looking in the fridge."

(male body now scrutinizing contents of fridge) "I don't see it.'"

"It's the large jug front and centre. Beside the 3lb. jar of peanut butter."*

"Oh, nice place to put it." (said sarcastically with lots of eye-rolling)

I have had grapes (a favorite fruit by all four males) turn unappetizingly wrinkled because not one of them thought, god forbid, to pull out the crisper drawer to look and see what it contained. Once I asked one of them to put the coffee on but they were unable to find the coffee container in the fridge. Never mind it is the exact same container we have been using for years, and never mind that they have probably moved it hundreds of times to reach the cream for their coffee, it did not come equipped with a flashing neon light and a preprogrammed voice saying, "Pick me! Pick me! For I am the coffee." (We ended up having tea. ---Apparently the tea bags were more readily accessible but I think it had more to do with ease of operation: no need for a filter, no measuring water, no scooping out coffee and counting spoonfuls.)

And while the refrigerator illustrates this male phenomenon very clearly, sadly it is not confined to this area alone.

"Where's today's paper?"

"Have you tried looking on the coffee table?'"

"The coffee table??? What's it doing there????"

OR

"Where's the egg beater?"

"Did you try looking in the bathroom cabinet?"

"Why would it be there? Shouldn't it be in the kitchen cupboard?"

"Bingo." (said in a tone of voice tinged with exasperation and thinly veiled sarcasm)

However there does exist an interesting feature of the males inability to find the seemingly obvious. They seem to flourish at locating items that only a team of CSI experts should be able to discover. A bag of potato chips hidden under two rarely used blankets tucked away in a cupboard in the laundry room. A package of M&M's squirreled away in the basement behind a 22 lb. bag of flour. Not only are these items often discovered within hours of being covertly placed, but they are consumed within minutes.

This trait, or more accurately described, quirk, was very evident today in my household:-
..Last night I went to bed with the fridge crammed full of leftovers after a big family birthday dinner. I put the left over lemon-roll cake** in the very back of the fridge behind numerous containers that completely obscured it from sight. Completely. This morning when I opened the fridge for the milk, what do you think was the first thing that I saw? The lemon-roll cake front and centre with several slices missing.

It becomes even more interesting. Rachael, one of the dinner guests, brought a lovely bag of chocolate-covered espresso beans*** to enjoy with our coffee. Knowing that one member of this family is unable to control themselves around chocolate, (not mentioning any names but he's the youngest of three) I placed the dish of remaining beans on a chair in the dining room. I figured since the dining room is not a regular family 'hang out' and since they were out of view....the tablecloth obscured them..... they would be safe. Apparently not. I overheard Corey tell the others exactly where they were within a few hours of getting home from school. This from the same child who cannot locate the closet to hang up his jacket. Even when he is hunting inside of for said hidden chocolates.

Another interesting (read freaking annoying) observation I have noted is that none of them (save Bruno..my hero!) can locate the dishwasher to place their dirty dishes inside. Apparently that is the purpose of the kitchen sink. Who knew? But they are able to detect a lone can of unopened pop in the garden shed behind the tulip bulbs.

It is all quite fascinating. Or frustrating. Some might even say quite maddening. I think it must be related to the males reluctance to pull into gas stations to ask for direction when lost.****

Next week: Men and their intense attachment to the tv remote. Healthy or unhealthy? Or just plain weird?

*Yes, we have the Costco-sized peanut butter jar in our fridge. This occurred after a tense expletive filled 'discussion' once with Bruno regarding the exact location of the peanut butter in the fridge and an even tenser one regarding the lack of organization in the fridge which apparently falls under my domain. I resolved the situation by buying the largest tallest roundest jar of peanut butter available. Disorganized? My ass.

**If you like lemon, and I am talking about that fresh real lemon taste, this recipe is for you. It is a lovely lemon cake with an even lovelier lemon filling (quite tart) and then rolled up jelly roll style. You can email for the recipe if so desired.

***Chocolate-covered espresso beans! Get out! Even better than chocolate-covered pomegranate seeds. (Refer to post February 6, Ch-ch-ch-chia!)

***This is the real reason GPS was invented. You know it's true.