A SLICE

A Lesson Not Fully Learned

Saturday, October 22/2011

2:30pm.

Bruno unloading groceries: Hey Cathy, I bought a treat that YOU will really like.

Cathy (guardedly excited) What???!!! What??? You do realize several rolls of the THREE-ply toilet tissue remain, right?

Bruno: No, not toilet tissue. GRAPE JUICE!!!

Cathy: The fermented kind right???? The kind that you have to be 19 or older to buy? That kind right???

Bruno: No, the Sun-Rype tetra pack kind.


...if Bruno had been Pavlov, the theory of Classic Conditioning NEVER would have been developed.

A SLICE

Teaching your kid to learn to drive is a lot like going to the dentist: it's painful, there could be some screaming, you might want to close your eyes but its gotta' be done.

A SLICE

 Sunday, September 26/2011

4:45pm.

Bruno unloading groceries: Hey Cathy, I bought a treat that YOU will really like.

Cathy (excitedly): What??? What?!!!

Bruno: THREE ply toilet tissue!

Long pause:

Cathy: Hey Bruno, in the future whenever you say 'treat' please ensure that the word 'chocolate' will be included in your next word or two.

Who Knew?????

Printed on the back of a bar of chocolate*:

Warning:
1. Side effects: creates a need to eat more and more and never share with anyone.
2. Excess of anything is always bad: with chocolate, it's also unavoidable.
3. Keep in a highly secret place away from nasty crooks.
4. Best consumed before it disappears.

The chocolate was a gift from a dear friend returning from a recent trip to Barcelona. It was dark chocolate flavored with real orange and was the best chocolate/orange bar I have ever tasted. Bar none. (hahaha)

My friend said the chocolate shops adorned the streets - that every second shop was a chocolate boutique often with delicate and intricate displays depicting everything from The Eiffel Tower to elaborate flower gardens. There was even a chocolate museum. Who knew? Barcelona? We have all heard of elite chocolate from Belgium, Switzerland, and France but it was surprising to learn that Barcelona is dotted with chocolate shops and from the taste of my bar, deservedly so.

She had observed that the only retail business that came close to rivaling the number of chocolate shops were shoe stores. Shoe stores. Lots and lots of them.

Chocolate and shoes.

Sounds like a dream holiday doesn't it?

*Bar of Chocolate: sounds so much more European than Chocolate Bar doesn't it?

. . . annnnnd she's off . . .

The only horse I like to ride is a high one. So let me get up on one now and I'll begin . . .

I do not like the word 'pie-hole.' Not at all. Not only is it offensive but it's an inadequate and unjustifiable way to describe a mouth. Most commonly its usage will be, "Shut your pie-hole," which not only is insulting but unimaginative. Not to mention that pie itself should never ever be used in a derogatory manner.

Sky Train Evaders. Just pay the fare. You use the service which, H-E-L-L-O, is not free to operate nor to maintain, so pay up or walk. Much media attention was given recently to a young woman who was kicked off skytrain for wearing a small button that said Fuck Yoga. Some felt the transit police did the right thing (they being on their own high horses), and others thought it was within her right (freedom of speech) to which those offended could just avert their sensitive moral eyes. What offended me wasn't her badge but that she was a TRANSIT EVADER which is why the transit officer noticed her in the first place.

Gum on the sidewalks. It's not like a piece of chewed up gum is the size of a bowling ball. Surely one can find a scrap of paper to wad their spent gum into until they find a trash can. Not only is it unsightly, disgusting, messy, but apparently harmful to wildlife.

A chewing-gum-sidewalk-litterer-transit-evader-shouting 'Shut your pie-hole' would be reason enough for me to have my horse knock them down flat into a mud puddle.

DISGUSTING GUM ON SIDEWALK

(mostly likely left by transit evaders)

A BIG JUMP FOR WOMEN ON SKIIS

Finally!

The 2014 Sochi Winter Olympics will include women's ski jumping. Women ski jumpers, who were not included in last year's Vancouver Games and had unsuccessfully sued organisers over what they said was gender discrimination, said they were delighted to finally win a spot on the Olympic programme.

The 2014 Sochi Winter Olympics will also have additional new events: team events for figure skating and luge; ski halfpipe for women and men, and biathlon mixed relay. The only remaining winter Olympic event that does not have both male and female representation is Nordic combined

My toque is off (with mittened hands waving) to all those persistent committed female ski-jumpers who are gold medal winners for their sheer determination in securing a spot at the highest level of competition for their sport.

One piece at a time .......

My sons loved Lego. Loved it. They spent almost as many hours playing with it as I did picking it up off the floor. They started off with the general 'use-your-imagination' Lego and progressed to the various themed Lego: Space, Castle, Pirate, Star Wars, Spider Man,etc. They would spend hours building their creations and hours more 'setting up' their individual bases in preparations for the great battles they would wage on each other. Sometimes they would keep a notebook noting various battle patterns, opponents positions, strageties invoked, etc.

A quick look at Lego's website shows they have created sets to interest most imaginations ranging from complex techical systems to colouful Toy Story sets. However this latest use of Lego will capture an entire new demographic:

Black Eyed Peas singer Fergie got into the kid-friendly spirit at Nickelodeon's 24th Annual Kids' Choice Awards, sporting a funky dress made of multi-colored Legos by L.A.-based designer Michael Schmidt. Unlike the creations my sons erected and pleaded to leave set up for weeks on end, I have a feeling they this is one creation they would be eager to take apart piece by piece.